What is up, motherfucker?

My name is Kris Horton, but you can call me Special K.

You probably already know me from my many award-winning hip-hop albums such as “Part Of A Healthy Breakfast” and “In Da Special KKK”, but before I became a billionaire and famous rapper, I lived a very different life. I was abandoned as an infant and raised by wolves for most of my childhood. They taught me the ways of the land, and with their help, I learned how to hunt, fish, and grow the best hash on the West Side.

Respect.

Eventually I left the pack, and before my thirteenth birthday, had done my first successful drive-by. That got the attention of local beauty queen LaFawnda (pictured bottom left) and we shacked up togeather in her Lincoln. It was there that I started my career in music, and shortly after, I wrote my first major hit called “Crank Dat Soulja Boy”. Actually, the original title was suppose to be “Crank Dat Cotton Gin”, but the record industry made me change it for some reason.

But it wasn’t until LaFawnda told me that she was pregnant that I knew it was time to leave. I sold the rights to “Crank Dat” to some guy with Down’s syndrome in Atlanta and moved to a ghetto called Carroll County where I continued to release rap music for a few more years. I now sell drugs because I’ve been told that’s the “tight” and “fresh” thing to do, and I really want people to describe me using those adjectives.

But more than anything, I want people to think that I’m black. Sometimes I color my face with a permanent marker before going out in public. I also wear pink panties on my head.

Music:

My newest album will be available in stores everywhere next Summer. It’s about Martin Lawrence, leader of the civil-rights movement and an inspiration to black people like me everywhere. Here’s a sneak-peak at some of the songs:

My Dead Girlfriend:

She’s got rigor-mortise from her head to her toe,
Her titty’s always hard,
And her flow is always cold.
She’s my dead girlfriend.

More coming soon, nigger.