From: Joshua C. Marcello
To: Mr. Anderson
Subject: Nice Site

Hey what’s up?

Did you make that YRGB.com site on your own? It’s pretty sweet, I’ll definitely be checking out more of your youtube vids. Did you find what you were looking for in a school yet?

Joshua C. Marcello,
Westwood College Online (www.westwood.edu)

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From: Mr. Anderson
To: Joshua C. Marcello
Subject: Re: Nice Site

Hello Josh,

I’m happy to hear that you like my website, as most other people would consider it to be a waste of time and the primary reason why I have no girlfriend and am still a virgin at age 18. But to answer your question, I did design it myself and have written all of the articles, some of which are literally viewed by tens of people each week. As I am quite sure you’ve read them all by now, I have to know, which one was your favorite?

Also, I still have no idea which college I want to go to. I think I might just win the lottery instead, as that would save me to trouble of having to work and actually accomplish anything during my life. I plan on buying a ticket today and I suppose that after I spend my winnings on a girlfriend to have sex with and an underwater pogo stick, I could invest some of it into getting an education. I’m looking for a college that will expect little effort on my part but will still give me a diploma. Hopefully we can work something out in this regard.

Sincerely,
Sebastian

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From: Joshua C. Marcello
To: Mr. Anderson
Subject: Re: Re: Nice Site

Hello Sebastian,

To answer your question, I would have to say, the conversation with you friend Josh about the hobo phone was probably my favorite. I wish you the best of luck on your lottery adventure; I had one once. It is a grand tale filled with suspense, lepricons, four shots of tequila, and an alien abduction, but I am sure it would just bore you so I will spare you the details.

Also I would like to borrow your underwater pogo stick. It will be a nice break from the underwater basket weaving class I am taking at my local recreation center.

As far as college is concerned, I agree with your mentality of getting the most out of doing nothing. As far as I can tell, it would be pointless to waste any real time with your education; what with your thriving website, and pre-paid lottery girlfriend you seem to be pretty set. If by chance this is one of those times where I have misread the situation, I apologize and have attached some program information. In my experience, the amount of effort you have to put into something is correlated to the amount of natural skills one possesses, and their interest in what they are focusing their attention on. It seems like you would be good at any of these programs, and some of them may come easy to you, which would provide you with the ability to get a degree with less effort than others. Best of luck!

Joshua C. Marcello

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From: Mr. Anderson
To: Joshua C. Marcello
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Nice Site

Josh,

Sorry for the late response. Since our last conversation I have devoted my life to Scientology and therefore cannot gamble as it is against my religion. Otherwise I would be enjoying my underwater pogo stick now instead of conversing with somebody who obviously needs to learn a thing or two of their own and shouldn’t be talking to anybody about education. For your information, those ‘leprechauns’ prefer to be called ‘little people’. Maybe you should accept Xenu into your heart before you burn in hell for your ignorance.

But if there’s one thing that L. Ron Paul, the beloved founder of Scientology, has taught me, it’s the importance of forgiveness. And I have to admit that you make a very compelling argument when it comes to getting a diploma, so I suppose I will give your college a try. Transportation should not be a problem as I own my own car, although it’s fairly old and occasionally breaks down when I’m going 120 MPH on the parkway so I might need you to give me a ride home sometimes. This should not be a problem as you don’t seem to be doing much else with your life.

Also, I need to know if lunch will be provided on campus. If so, please be aware that I am a vegetarian and therefore refuse to eat any kind of meat product. Not because I like animals — I’d have them all killed if I could — but because I hate plants. As I am sure you’ll have no problem meeting these conditions, please go ahead and sign me up. When would you like me to start?

Regards,
Sebastian

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From: Joshua C. Marcello
To: Mr. Anderson
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Nice Site

Sebastian,

I am glad to hear you have found something worthy of your devotion, and I appreciate you extending forgiveness to me on behalf of your religions founder L. Ron Paul for not using the term “little people”. They are people too, and it is hard to remember that sometimes.

It is good to hear you have reliable transportation to our completely online college; that is usually the first question I would ask a student, and it somehow slipped my mind when conversing with you. If you get stuck between your living room and your computer room, I am sure we could help arrange some transportation for you.

As far as our onsite cafeteria, you would have to speak to the buying-party in charge of refrigerator restocking at your local campus to discuss any special provisions in the menu.

Classes start on March 17th, and all you would need to do is apply online at www.westwood.edu assuming your parents/legal guardians were on board with helping you fill out Financial Aid paperwork. There is a standard $50 application fee. Let me know when you get it finished and thanks for the banter, it has been refreshing.

Sincerely,
Joshua C. Marcello

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From: Mr. Anderson
To: Joshua C. Marcello
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Nice Site

$50 sounds like a little much. Would you be willing to accept my first born child as payment instead?

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From: Joshua C. Marcello
To: Mr. Anderson
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Nice Site

Sebastian,

Unfortunately, due to recent post-9/11 government regulations and global warming, we are not able to accept anything but a credit/debit card, pre-paid Visa, or a direct payment from a checking or savings account. Your best bet would be to sell a kidney. You have two and they are a hot item on the market right now.

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From: Mr. Anderson
To: Joshua C. Marcello
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Nice Site

You’re one tough businessman, Josh. A real go-getter. I like that about you.

Following your advice, I swapped one of my kidneys to Black Market Tommy for $5.17, and I managed to earn the rest by selling my car to a junkyard down the road. At first they refused to accept it, saying that they only bought scrap metal. But all I had to do was bludgeon it repeatedly with a baseball bat until the engine stopped. It was pretty difficult considering how new the car was but afterwards I was able to trick them into buying the broken parts. Suckers. It’s a good thing your college is imaginary otherwise I might have needed that Lexus.

Regardless, I have sent you a personal check for $50 and you should receive it no later than next Friday. Please let me know when you plan on mailing me my diploma. Or is it also going to be imaginary? If so, do not bother sending it as I will personally come pick it up in my imaginary car and then spend the rest of the day having sex with my imaginary girlfriend.

Imaginary regards,
Sebastian

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From: Joshua C. Marcello
To: Mr. Anderson
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Nice Site

Yeah good luck with that.

Joshua C. Marcello